McDonald's Haikus

Here are a few haikus I wrote about McDonald's:

Unclean potatoes
deep fried inside fatty oil
cause of heart attacks

Ronald McDonald
creepy disgruntled worker
who wears clown makeup

Gross ingredients
and completely unhealthy
yet so stinking good

Movies and Stuff

Well today I'm going to write my thoughts about several movies in theaters or yet to be released, enjoy!

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides- I went to see Pirates 4 last saturday, and I thought it was okay. Its tone was completely different from the other three "Pirates" movies.  The plot was pretty straightforward, and Johnny Depp was great as usual. However, there were several problems with the film. Blackbeard was not nearly as intimidating of a villain as Davy Jones.  Several scenes of the film were sleepy and boring. And the half-hearted attempt at a love story between a young missionary and a mermaid was completely unnecessary. Nonetheless I believe this film was well-done. Oscar worthy? No. Entertaining? Definitely.

Super 8- Honestly, I have no clue what this film is about.  But for a movie directed by "Lost" creator JJ Abrams and produced by Steven Spielberg, I don't even care what the plot is. Win.

Mr. Popper's Penguins- You can't go wrong with Jim Carrey, but the trailers make this movie seem filled with slapstick and fart jokes. I hope I'm wrong, because Jim Carrey is such an incredible actor.

Cars 2- Looks interesting. The trailers look impressive visually, but we'll have to see on story. An action/spy sequel to Cars seems strange. But Pixar hasn't failed yet!

The Zookeeper- Against all human belief or reason, this movie actually looks funny. Usually I would never want to see a movie like this, but "Zookeeper" interests me.  From the trailers I have seen, Kevin James seems energetic and funny.  An all star cast voices the zoo animals, including Sylvester Stallone, Adam Sandler, and even Cher.  This film appears clever without relying on toilet humor. I could be completely wrong, but hopefully "Zookeeper" is as funny as the trailer.

The summer is filled with action movies such as Green Lantern and Cowboys and Aliens. Those are usually hit or miss. All in all, there are several funny and interesting movies coming out this year.

The Stupid Poem

An original poem by me:

Every day 

in this world 

goes by

and life goes on

every day

monday through saturday

life goes on 

oh and sunday too

and the other days

well I already said that

but you know what I mean

life goes by quickly 

like a... fast... fast car

that goes really fast

like REALLY FAST

like so fast you can’t even see it

like invisible

well not invisible but really fast

and life is like a leaf

floating to the ground

slowly 

slowly 

slowly

very slow

like a turtle

or a sloth

what’s a sloth anyway?

some kind of australian monkey I think

why is australia considered a continent

while greenland is still a country

thats not fair

its unfair

funfair?

lets go to the funfair!

funfair! 

funfair! 

funfair!

...what?

Oh, I kinda lost my train of thought

hmm

uhhhh

well I’m running out of space 

so I will close by telling you the meaning of life

the meaning of life is

what? out of space?

shoot.

The End

300 word murder mystery opening

Here is my 300 word set up of a murder mystery:

Thunder boomed loudly in the heavens, signaling another heavy downpour of rain.  Wind rushed with alarming speed.  Trees and bushes were shaken like rag dolls.  Another crash of thunder lit of the sky with an electric glow.  

The mad scene outside matched the mood of the terrible spectacle that unfolded itself inside the enormous mansion of Blackbird Lane.  In the great mansion’s company room, party guests looked at one another with suspicion and horror.  Directly in the center of the room, lying on the carpet, was a dead body.

Mr. Chester E. Woolworth, the owner of the mansion, had been a wealthy and highly respected gentleman.  His decision to invite several close friends to his mansion for supper had ultimately cost him his life.  

As the unrepentant rain showered down outside the ancient mansion, the victim’s wife stared at her husband’s corpse and began to wail for a third time.  The police had already been notified, but due to the unwonted storm had stated that it would be a while before a detective arrived.  

The road had flooded outside.  This obviously meant nobody could exit the mansion.  Now all the party guests could do was wait for the ominous scene to be resolved.

There was one elephant in the room?  Who had killed Mr. Woolworth? Undoubtedly somebody standing in this very room, since there was nobody else inside the mansion. 

Unspoken questions filled the minds of everyone inside the room? Had he been murdered by one of the party guests? Could it have been by his lovely wife? Or maybe his trusted butler? What motivation did the killer have to commit such a hideous deed?

Amidst all the uncertainty and confusion one thing was surely known.  Mr. Woolworth was dead, and he had been murdered.  This truly was a mystery!

500 words of randomness

I am going to challenge myself to write the most random 500 word story ever, here goes:

George, being an upright gentlemen of the highest order of eloquent officials, gazed upon the birthday cake and knew his calling had begun. He lifted the gun and shot the first president of Bulgaria and cheered with a courageous hiccup. Realizing the order of business was commenced, he gathered his material possessions and began the long and quizzical journey down Mount Buhickeynun. 

“Now” he asked himself happily, “I must task myself with delivering the utmost respect to the man in the tower. Besides, my friends would agree that social experience is much more aggravating than fiscal responsibility.”

Being almost across the Sea of Promise, George took one glimpse of the looking glass and knew it was the propitious hour. He pulled one certain angry fellow out of the well and bestowed upon him the scepter. George, realizing his task was nearly and strangely complete, stole the forbidden pogo stick from the irate selectmen, and set upon his journey.  

Suddenly, a high pitched voice yelled from across the caves of the ancient land and screamed out “There in the vessel must become a certain tangible concentration that is envied by all who inhabit the country’s finest crevices.” 

George’s heart raced with a vengeance and he yelled back “Thou must be knighted by he who judges all before thee shall begin to utter the cry of the ages.”  He exited his anointed transporter and hobbled across the desert toward the sound of the voice. His injury grew worse with each step, especially across the ancient red rocks that grasped at his heels every time the horn sounded. 

Another bugle blast alerted George of the constant growing danger that manifested itself in the south regions of the sky. At any moment lions of fire could leap from the Alaskan rivers and reign free from all restraints and shackles, sending emotional signals to each and every peasant who dared to hobble across said path carrying tools of destructions that could bring about terror from the volcanos of the past.

George’s cell phone rang with a yell and george picked it up. Almost instantly he dropped it because the stalactites from the river had caused it to be scalding hot.

Knowing his fortune had improved, George took three steps backward toward the magical treasure chest in front of him.  After opening it with a small scoff, he found inside a special flower with a notable radiance that made some believe in lies, and George quickly consumed the flower. 

After sensing the degrading outlook of naive expectations, George picked up the table and emptied the contents into an outraged elevation. He realized his deed had been ruefully accomplished. 

He poured himself a glass of eggplant stew, and brushed his teeth with an excited dance.  After jumping upside down through the doorstep, he made special note of the revolutionary idea that jumped from the inner regions of his mind which transformed most folk into creepy entertainment.

The moral of this story is remember to enjoy birthday cake.

What's wrong with the world?

Well I almost forgot about posting today, but luckily for you all I remembered. You can thank me later.

So what's up with the world? One old geezer says the world is going to end and people give him their life savings? Burglars can injure themselves in people's homes and win money in a legal procedure? People can become famous for having no talent? Justin Bieber is popular?

All these and more are reasons why I think the world is messed up. But there is one thing right in this horrible world, and that is... curling. I love throwing that awesome little round thing across the ice and using special brooms to sweep back and forth so the little round thing will land on a designated target. Oh how I enjoy playing that incredible game, drinking maple syrup and listening to polka music by my favorite artists such as Smithy McHaughenburger... ah... good times... good times... What was I talking about anyway?

Well, I kind of lost my train of thought, so let me conclude with an poem that I wrote that I thought was pretty meaningful:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Lima is the capital of Peru

Thank you.

First Post

Hi. I'm Evan. Next year I'm going to a performing arts school in the creative writing department. I want to practice my writing so I'm gonna try to write something on this blog every day. I will probably miss a few days, but I will try to do it as often as I can.

So what will I write? Good question, anonymous viewer. I don't really know. It could be just a journal entry, me talking about current events, a story, a poem, or whatever. But something. I don't really care if anyone is interested, I just want to practice my writing.

Well, wish me luck. Hopefully I will be able to keep this up. Enjoy the blog of wonderfulness.