Dear Diary,
This is my 6th day on earth. I have had much time to observe the humans, and have discovered several interesting things about them. From what I have observed, their leader is someone by the name of Justin Bieber. Many of earth’s people worship this figure, but others despise him. Humans, primitive beings, are slaves to a concept known as time. These humans believe that time controls them. They are always upset about being late to events. One thing I have noticed about humans is that as “time” passes, they begin to “age.” When they get older, they get uglier than they already are. Their hair turns white, begins to fall out, and their skin gets wrinkled. How strange these humans are! Another peculiar aspect I have observed is a ritual known as a “meal.” Humans engage in the “meal” three times a day. They must sit down and put several strange items inside their mouth, then crush the items with their teeth, and then force the items through their esophagus! This ritual is central to human society. Humans are quite stupid to believe that the consumption of food is necessary. Obviously they have never discovered quantonium nitrate beams. Humans are millions of years behind us in technology. For example, they get excited about touch screen phones, yet processes such as “smell-o-vision” or “anti gravity goggles” have never even been approached. Humans still have much to learn. Another basic aspect of human society is “money.” Strange pieces of paper and metal are used to buy and sell objects. They do not even use sardines as currency! How strange! All in all, I would never want to live on earth. Earth’s inhabitants worry about everything. Wars are still fought between nations to obtain what they want. Many of earth’s peoples are oppressed. I am going to stay on my home planet of Zorkon 5, and leave the people of earth to worship their king Bieber.
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